I’ve mentioned in a previous podcast that we’re going to be looking at the top five greatest needs of men and women in the book, His Needs, Her Needs by Williard F. Harley, Jr. And while these needs may not be your top five, it would be good to use the book as a guide. The book explains why your needs are different or the same. Share why your priority of needs are different. While learning each other’s needs is vitally important to your happiness, you must realize that learning them is not enough. You must learn how to meet the needs. And you must realize that meeting the needs the way the other person needs them met, is an absolute necessity. Too often we try to meet them the way we think they should be met according to our thinking. And that could be the furthest from the truth. Men and women are so different in so many ways and that is a gift from God. How boring would it be if we were exactly alike in all ways? So get ready to learn what most of us were never taught. It is impossible to meet needs you are unaware of. Ok, it is impossible to meet needs you are unaware of. Each person has a responsibility to be aware of your spouse’s needs. And you have to take time to learn how to meet those needs. When you took your vows, you were saying, I will meet your needs, and I agree to not let anyone else to meet them. That is a great responsibility. So, let’s get started learning the needs and how to meet them. From the following list, write down the ones that you believe belong to the male and to the female. And no talking to the other person to see what they think. You will be learning what they think soon enough. Then put them in the order you think goes from most important to least important. Financial Support, Recreational Companionship, An Attractive Spouse, Family Commitment, Sexual Fulfillment, Conversation Domestic Support, Admiration, Affection, Honesty & Openness Now some of you may have the same needs and that is good to find out. But even with the same needs, how the other person needs them met could be different from how you need them met. Let’s start with the greatest need of a woman. Affection-the cement of a relationship. To most women, affection stands for security, protection, comfort and approval of who they are. It tells them that they are a priority to someone. And men, you need to make sure you understand how to meet that need. And how do you do that? Ask her how she needs to have it met. And never make her feel foolish by expressing how to meet the need. It is her need not yours. Too often, men don’t want to invest the time to learn and then apply what they learn. And for any men reading this, I can say you have plenty of time to invest in your job, hobbies or just hanging out with other guys. Hear this. After God, your wife is your greatest priority according to Scripture. When the two of you become one, that means she is more important than your mom, dad, kids, hobbies, and your friends. You are not one with anyone or anything else. Affection can be shown to her in many ways. A hug, cards, flowers, dinner dates, phone calls, and holding her hand in public. And ask her what some other ways are. Holding her hand in public can say to her and everyone else that sees you, that you love her, and you are not ashamed to let the world know it. You may think a hug is not important but human touch is so important to health of body and spirit. Now ladies, if you haven’t learned it yet, most men think affection has to do with sex. And you will need to explain to him that it is not the same. That kind of affection does not communicate that he cares about you. It communicates he wants sex, and sadly, many men don’t ever want to be affectionate. They see it as unmanly. But the important thing is this, when it comes to meeting our spouse’s needs, we are not to be self-centered but centered on loving our spouse as they need to be loved. And you will probably hear me say this again, I am talking about meeting NEEDS, not desires. Our needs being met are like having air to breathe. We will die inside if our needs are not met. Or we will find someone else to meet those needs. Affection is so important for women that they don’t understand why men don’t respond in ways they do. A woman may call her husband at work and wonder why he never calls her at work just to hear her voice. A couple I was working with, the wife was going by where her husband worked to put a flower under his wiper blade. After a few weeks, with no response from him, she asked him why he never appreciated the flowers. He looked at her and said, ‘So you’re the one whose been doing that. I was wondering why anyone would do that. I have been throwing them on the ground. Ladies, he may love you, but you also need to realize that his need for that sign of affection is nonexistent. Now, let me remind you ladies. You have to teach him how to meet your needs. And a point about communication that I will probably mention again later. Men are not mind readers. Don’t assume he will always know what you want and how to give it to you. And hear this! Don’t ever believe that if you give him enough hints, he will figure it out. Hints will almost never go into his thinking. Hints never enter his ears. Tell him what you need. I had a wife say that if she had to tell him what she wanted, he just didn’t love her. And I told her that if she didn’t want to tell him, then enjoy a life of not receiving. Ladies you must become good coaches when it comes to letting your spouse know what your needs are and how you would like to have them met. You may think that affection comes naturally to people who are in love. But our needs are different so be willing to be patient as you teach your man how to love you the way you need to be loved. We will talk a little more about this in the next podcast and then get into a man’s most important need.