Month: October 2024

We’re going to be talking about the importance of communication for a female. To start it, I want to share a story with you to again give you an idea of just how totally different men and women are when it comes to communication’ 

Keywords and their meaning. 

FINE 

This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel that we are right about but need to shut up.  Never use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. 

FIVE MINUTES 

This is half an hour. it is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade. 

NOTHING 

This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”. 

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) 

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”. 

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) 

This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off. 

LOUD SIGH 

This is not actually a word but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”. 

SOFT SIGH 

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft “Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. 

OH 

This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example: “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window. But do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. “0h” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go Ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them. 

THAT’S OKAY 

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” it’s often used with the word “Fine’ and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future, when she has plotted and planned, you’re going to be in some mighty big trouble. 

PLEASE DO 

This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”. 

THANKS 

A woman is thinking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome. 

THANKS A LOT 

This is much different than “Thanks”.  A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh’ as she will only tell you “Nothing”. 

Now that you enjoyed how different we may define words in our communications, let’s see why intimate conversation is important to women. 

A good place to start, is looking at some of the emotional differences between men and women. Women tend to be more personal than men. And they have a deeper interest in people and feelings and in building relationships. Men are often more preoccupied with things that can be understood through logical deduction. And guys love to be involved in conqueror-oriented activities, wanting to compete for dominance whether it’s in the work area or on the sports field. Guys love things like football, boxing, hockey, fishing and hunting.  They talk about how their team is the best, their fish is the largest and their animal was mounted because it was so big. There’re a few women who love this kind of stuff but why would a woman be less interested in a boxing match? I mean there’s not a lot of personal relationships taking place in the boxing match. Women love reading the books that have to do with the relationships. It’s usually women who have a greater love for God and the relationships she can develop with other women. Men don’t seem too interested in building intimate relationships with women or with other men.  

If she is more personal and is relationship centered, how does she develop the relationships?  She takes time to know people and that mostly takes place through communication. Women become an intimate part of the people they know and the things that surround them. 

Let me give you an example.  Have you ever invited friends over without first asking your wife? I will never forget when I made that mistake early in my life.  You would have thought I had insulted her and attempted to make her look bad in front of the guest.  What I didn’t understand at the time, was that her house was such a part of who she was, and since I didn’t give her time to clean house, she was afraid they would think less of her as a person. And of course, to try to defend myself, I said, “They just came over to spend time with us. They didn’t come to look at the house”.  I had no idea how much her home was a part of her.   

And along this same line, and I will close with this, until our next time together on this subject, I made another mistake when we were getting ready to move.  My family was a military family which meant we moved often. And to me, a move was just a move.  No attachment to what I was leaving behind. 

Well, I learned that a female may have to move but she also is dealing with what she is leaving behind.  I came home one day after work to find my wife crying. Ok, I do know moving is harder for some than for others, so I asked what had her upset.  The response was not what I expected.  She said, “The curtains in the living room probably won’t fit the windows in the house we end up living in”.  And being a guy, I said we would just buy new curtains.  But everything in our house had become a part of who she was. 

Women become an intimate part of the things and people who are important to her.  And that is especially true of communication.  Look for part two of communication, coming out soon. 

By J Douglas

A young man learns what’s most important in life from the guy next door. 

 It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girl’s, career and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams. There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing can stop him. 

 Over the phone, his mother told him, “Mr Belzer died last night. The funeral’s Wednesday.” Memories flashed through his mind like an old news reel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days, 

 “Jack did you hear me?” 

 “Oh, sorry mom. Yes, I heard you. It’s been so long since I thought of him. I’m sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago.” Jack said. 

“Well, he didn’t forget you. Every time I saw him, he’d ask how you were doing. He’d reminisce about the many days you spent over ‘his side of the fence’ as he put it,” Mom told him. 

 “I loved that old house he lived in,” Jack said. “You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr Belzer stepped in to make sure you had a man’s influence in your life,” she said. 

 “He’s the one who taught me carpentry. I wouldn’t be in this business if it weren’t for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important. Mom, I’ll be there for the funeral,” 

As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mister Belzer’s funeral was small and uneventful’ He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away. 

 The night before he had to return home, Jack and his mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time. 

 Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time. The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture. Then Jack stopped suddenly. 

 “What’s wrong Jack?” his mom asked. “The box is gone,” he said. “What box?” mom asked. “There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk I must have asked him 1000 times what was inside. All he’d ever tell me was ‘the thing I value most.” 

 Well, it was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belzer family had taken it. “Now I’ll never know what was so valuable to him,” Jack said. “I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom.” 

 It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belzer died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. “Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days,” the note read. 

 Early the next day, Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed 100 years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. 

 Mr. Harold Belzer, it read. Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack’s hands shook as he read the note inside. 

“Upon my death, please forward this box in its contents to Jack Bennett. It’s the thing I valued most in my life.” A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch. Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. 

 Inside he found these words engraved: “Jack, thanks for your time! Harold Belzer.” 

 “The thing he valued most… was …my time.”  

Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. “Why?” his assistant asked. “I need some time to spend with my son,” he said. “Oh, by the way, Janet… thanks for your time!” 

 Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away. 

 Have a good day. And thank you for your time.  By J Douglas

If you just finished reading part one of A Man’s Greatest Need, you know we’re going to be talking about the stages of sexual experience.  And most men I know, would say, “What do you mean stages?  I thought there was only one”.  Let’s look at the stages that are important for a meaningful sexual experience. 

The first stage is willingness. now for the husband, his willingness is usually motivated by his sexual desire. for the wife, it’s motivated by her emotional connection to him. Men seem to have a desire for sex often because of their relatively high levels of testosterone. Most wives would say that sex is almost all they ever think about. And many men would say they do have many thoughts daily.  Women can also crave sex, but usually only once or twice a month. 

I have often mentioned that a man is turned on by sight.  That’s why, after almost no showing of affection to his wife, he can be ready for sex just watching her shower.  And this often makes her feel unappreciated and only his sex toy. Women are willing to have sex with her husband as a means to show him her appreciation for him meeting her needs for affection. She is willing to meet his needs if she is expecting to enjoy a time of lovemaking and not just sex.  

Arousal is the second stage.  As I said earlier, men are turned on by sight. That’s why men are the ones who buy the magazines, calendars, videos, and spend time on their computers, looking at nude women.  Men are like light switches; they can be turned off one second and turned on the next.  Arousal comes easily and may happen many times a day. And while most of his responses are from visual responses, they can also come from daydreaming or night dreaming. 

Women may often get upset when they notice their man looking at another woman.  They need to understand that he is not being promiscuous or unfaithful.  Often, he doesn’t realize it.  But to this natural tendency, I also try to convince men to be sensitive to their wife’s and how they are feeling seeing his actions.  I’ve also worked with women who don’t mind them looking because they are secure in their skin and know their husband wants them more than anyone else. So, know how each of you feel about looking at the opposite sex.  Because this does go both ways.  While women may enjoy looking at a nice male body, she is usually appreciating looking without getting aroused. 

Some women do not understand men’s reactions to looking at women because her arousal usually does not come from visual stimulation.  I have often counseled men that when they are getting out of the shower, it will probably do nothing to arouse their spouse. His arousal can be immediate while hers is more a conscious decision.  If she wants to enjoy love making, she will encourage him to touch her in ways that lead to arousal. And she will be more responsive to intercourse when he has taken the time to bring her to arousal.  If she is not sure what her body needs for arousal, he needs to be very caring and responsive to her request to have him help her learn.  Don’t expect her to want and enjoy the same things you do.  Take time to learn from each other. This time together is so much more than sex.  It is a time of becoming one in so many ways. 

The third stage is plateau and reaching this is also different for both men and women. Most men can reach this stage quickly and with little stimulation while a woman needs more stimulation.  This is often a serious sexual problem for the couple. Men can come to climax too soon leaving the woman with needs going unmet.  Although I have heard men lie about how many climaxes they can achieve in a short time, a women’s body is capable of enjoying many in a very short time.  Men need to learn this, and they need to realize that bringing her to climax first, does not mean she cannot achieve it again immediately.  A sensitive man, caring for his wife’s needs, will make sure her needs are met before his if that is what is needed.  And if this remains a problem in the relationship, find a counselor that can help explain in more detail.  Or read a good book on the subject.  His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard Harley, is one such book. 

The fourth stage is the climax.  While most would consider this the ultimate goal for both partners, it doesn’t always turn out that way. Anxiety is often associated with this stage because one of the persons may have performance fear.  Pleasure should be the outcome of the sexual relation, and not performance.  Too often, a spouse may have heard the other person talk about previous partners and experiences and they do not believe they can live up to the other persons skills.  And one of the partners may only want to please the other, making the other wonder if they are not good enough to perform. This is where true communication must take place.  Before you begin the lovemaking, talk about what you are wanting in the outcome. A good sexual relationship will make sure that each have enjoyed the time together. 

And recovery is the final stage.  Too often this stage is skipped or never known to be a stage.  I have heard from women that the husband either falls to sleep almost immediately or they go back to their tv or computer games.   

This is a time for both partners to enjoy being in each other’s arms, sharing how much the time together meant to them.  Maybe talking about something they are looking forward to, or just being silent.  It’s an important time of affection for the female.  

Learn what your spouse’s needs are and then meet them the way they need to have them met. 

By J Douglas

I’ve mentioned in a previous podcast that we’re going to be looking at the top five greatest needs of men and women in the book, His Needs, Her Needs by Williard F. Harley, Jr. And while these needs may not be your top five, it would be good to use the book as a guide. The book explains why your needs are different or the same.  Share why your priority of needs are different.  While learning each other’s needs is vitally important to your happiness, you must realize that learning them is not enough.  You must learn how to meet the needs. And you must realize that meeting the needs the way the other person needs them met, is an absolute necessity.  Too often we try to meet them the way we think they should be met according to our thinking.  And that could be the furthest from the truth.  Men and women are so different in so many ways and that is a gift from God.  How boring would it be if we were exactly alike in all ways? So get ready to learn what most of us were never taught. It is impossible to meet needs you are unaware of.  Ok, it is impossible to meet needs you are unaware of.  Each person has a responsibility to be aware of your spouse’s needs.  And you have to take time to learn how to meet those needs.  When you took your vows, you were saying, I will meet your needs, and I agree to not let anyone else to meet them. That is a great responsibility. So, let’s get started learning the needs and how to meet them. From the following list, write down the ones that you believe belong to the male and to the female. And no talking to the other person to see what they think.  You will be learning what they think soon enough. Then put them in the order you think goes from most important to least important. Financial Support, Recreational Companionship, An Attractive Spouse, Family Commitment, Sexual Fulfillment, Conversation Domestic Support, Admiration, Affection, Honesty & Openness Now some of you may have the same needs and that is good to find out.  But even with the same needs, how the other person needs them met could be different from how you need them met. Let’s start with the greatest need of a woman.  Affection-the cement of a relationship. To most women, affection stands for security, protection, comfort and approval of who they are. It tells them that they are a priority to someone. And men, you need to make sure you understand how to meet that need.  And how do you do that?  Ask her how she needs to have it met.  And never make her feel foolish by expressing how to meet the need.  It is her need not yours.  Too often, men don’t want to invest the time to learn and then apply what they learn.  And for any men reading this, I can say you have plenty of time to invest in your job, hobbies or just hanging out with other guys.  Hear this.  After God, your wife is your greatest priority according to Scripture. When the two of you become one, that means she is more important than your mom, dad, kids, hobbies, and your friends.  You are not one with anyone or anything else. Affection can be shown to her in many ways.  A hug, cards, flowers, dinner dates, phone calls, and holding her hand in public.  And ask her what some other ways are. Holding her hand in public can say to her and everyone else that sees you, that you love her, and you are not ashamed to let the world know it.  You may think a hug is not important but human touch is so important to health of body and spirit. Now ladies, if you haven’t learned it yet, most men think affection has to do with sex.  And you will need to explain to him that it is not the same.  That kind of affection does not communicate that he cares about you.  It communicates he wants sex, and sadly, many men don’t ever want to be affectionate. They see it as unmanly.   But the important thing is this, when it comes to meeting our spouse’s needs, we are not to be self-centered but centered on loving our spouse as they need to be loved.  And you will probably hear me say this again, I am talking about meeting NEEDS, not desires.  Our needs being met are like having air to breathe.  We will die inside if our needs are not met. Or we will find someone else to meet those needs. Affection is so important for women that they don’t understand why men don’t respond in ways they do.  A woman may call her husband at work and wonder why he never calls her at work just to hear her voice. A couple I was working with, the wife was going by where her husband worked to put a flower under his wiper blade. After a few weeks, with no response from him, she asked him why he never appreciated the flowers.  He looked at her and said, ‘So you’re the one whose been doing that.  I was wondering why anyone would do that.  I have been throwing them on the ground. Ladies, he may love you, but you also need to realize that his need for that sign of affection is nonexistent. Now, let me remind you ladies.  You have to teach him how to meet your needs. And a point about communication that I will probably mention again later.  Men are not mind readers.  Don’t assume he will always know what you want and how to give it to you.  And hear this!  Don’t ever believe that if you give him enough hints, he will figure it out. Hints will almost never go into his thinking.  Hints never enter his ears.  Tell him what you need. I had a wife say that if she had to tell him what she wanted, he just didn’t love her.  And I told her that if she didn’t want to tell him, then enjoy a life of not receiving. Ladies you must become good coaches when it comes to letting your spouse know what your needs are and how you would like to have them met. You may think that affection comes naturally to people who are in love. But our needs are different so be willing to be patient as you teach your man how to love you the way you need to be loved. We will talk a little more about this in the next podcast and then get into a man’s most important need.

I’ve had so many couples coming to my office for pre marriage counseling and I’ve asked them what kind of spouse are you going to be?  They say, “I really desire to be a good spouse.” Well let’s talk about that for just a second before we get into the top need for males and females. Your desire to be a good spouse is absolutely worthless if you do not get the training you need. I’ll give you an example: I used to always ask people if they would like to go to Hawaii? They’d smile and say they’d love to. I’d tell them I had always desired to be a pilot and I’d been thinking of renting a plane and I’d take them for free if they’d like to go. I’d tell them that I had always had a desire to be a pilot, but I’d never learned how to fly a plane. Suddenly no one wanted to go with me to Hawaii and I really didn’t blame them because that’d be pretty foolish to say that I was going to fly a plane just because I had a desire. So, desire is worthless unless you get the training and that’s what we’re going to talk about. The importance of getting the training you need to be a good spouse. So, let’s start with the greatest need for most women and for most men.  Most men really don’t understand how to give women the affection they need and most women really don’t understand how to have meet the husband’s sexual needs.  So many times, in counseling, I have had to explain to men that women and men speak different languages.  Why?  Because most men will say that if a woman’s greatest need is affection and his is sexual fulfillment, they are the same.  No, they are not the same.   But the guys say, “I’m really affectionate when I am having sex”.  I’m sorry men, those two words have greatly different meanings. For most men, affection in marriage is synonymous with sex. For most women, affection is taking time to just be together. It’s a hug! A hug can say so many things to a woman, that she’s important and that he loves her. Guys we need to understand how strongly women need these affirmations. They just want to be important to you and for the wife there can hardly be enough hugs. Hugging again is a skill that most men need to develop to show their wife affection. It’s so easy, so simple.  It’s one of the most effective ways to build the love bank account in their wife’s life. There are other ways to show affection to her. Give her a card or a love note for no special reason.  But I must warn you, if you do not normally do that, she may think that you are up to something or have done something you haven’t told her about. Seriously, never forget to give her a gift for her birthday, and make sure it’s not a vacuum cleaner. And never forget an anniversary gift. I was briefing a group of guys that were getting ready to deploy overseas and after the briefing, they had one more day before they left.  I told them to go immediately to the store and buy some cards to mail to their spouses. And I was sure to remind them to also buy stamps.  Sometimes we forget the simple things.    And to make sure they put a card in the mail the next day before they deployed. It paid off big time for those who did what I suggested.  The wives could not believe that their husbands were so considerate.   And the amazing thing was that every card that was mailed later on, made wives believe that their man had gone out of his way to find a place to buy a card while he was so busy at work.   Now that thoughtfulness was putting deposits in her love bank. Another great idea is to leave love notes in a dresser draw where you know she will find them, much sooner than we would. And if she likes flowers, make sure to send her flowers, just because.  I would send them to my wife at work and she was the queen of the day when everyone would see the flowers and ask her what the occasion was, and she would admit there was no special occasion.  Now I have to admit, I probably made a few husbands uneasy, but I also was hoping I was teaching them. And here is another way to show her affection and that is planning a special night out.  Now the important part is, you call the babysitter.  I have to admit, that was something I really had a hard time doing.  And also make sure her schedule is open that evening and she has not already planned a meal. Ok, here are a few more ideas.  A sensitive husband should always open the door for her.  And do it for other females when you have the opportunity.  I have only had one woman tell me that she could get her own door.  I have also opened the doors for ladies as they were getting into the car next to me. Sadly, they would look at their husbands and say, “At least someone knows how to be a gentleman”.  And I would quickly get in my car and drive off before the husband came to thank me. Holding hands is another effective way of showing affection. Also, phone calls letting her know you are on the way home from work and asking if she needs you to stop at the store and pick up anything. From a woman’s point of view, affection is usually the greatest need she has and you meeting that need is the most important action you can give her. And men, you need to understand it usually has nothing to do with sex. Because you see affection as part of foreplay, you assume she feels the same way. And that is so far from the truth. I remember a lady telling me that she would not give her husband a hug when he came home because he would take it the wrong way. And it made me wonder how many men arrived home wondering why their wife didn’t care to hug them. Well, more to come on the most important need of a woman. By J Douglas

I’ve had so many couples coming to my office for pre marriage counseling and I’ve asked them what kind of spouse are you going to be?  They say, “I really desire to be a good spouse.” Well let’s talk about that for just a second before we get into the top need for males and females. Your desire to be a good spouse is absolutely worthless if you do not get the training you need. I’ll give you an example: I used to always ask people if they would like to go to Hawaii? They’d smile and say they’d love to. I’d tell them I had always desired to be a pilot and I’d been thinking of renting a plane and I’d take them for free if they’d like to go. I’d tell them that I had always had a desire to be a pilot, but I’d never learned how to fly a plane. Suddenly no one wanted to go with me to Hawaii and I really didn’t blame them because that’d be pretty foolish to say that I was going to fly a plane just because I had a desire. So, desire is worthless unless you get the training and that’s what we’re going to talk about. The importance of getting the training you need to be a good spouse. So, let’s start with the greatest need for most women and for most men.  Most men really don’t understand how to give women the affection they need and most women really don’t understand how to have meet the husband’s sexual needs.  So many times, in counseling, I have had to explain to men that women and men speak different languages.  Why?  Because most men will say that if a woman’s greatest need is affection and his is sexual fulfillment, they are the same.  No, they are not the same.   But the guys say, “I’m really affectionate when I am having sex”.  I’m sorry men, those two words have greatly different meanings. For most men, affection in marriage is synonymous with sex. For most women, affection is taking time to just be together. It’s a hug! A hug can say so many things to a woman, that she’s important and that he loves her. Guys we need to understand how strongly women need these affirmations. They just want to be important to you and for the wife there can hardly be enough hugs. Hugging again is a skill that most men need to develop to show their wife affection. It’s so easy, so simple.  It’s one of the most effective ways to build the love bank account in their wife’s life. There are other ways to show affection to her. Give her a card or a love note for no special reason.  But I must warn you, if you do not normally do that, she may think that you are up to something or have done something you haven’t told her about. Seriously, never forget to give her a gift for her birthday, and make sure it’s not a vacuum cleaner. And never forget an anniversary gift. I was briefing a group of guys that were getting ready to deploy overseas and after the briefing, they had one more day before they left.  I told them to go immediately to the store and buy some cards to mail to their spouses. And I was sure to remind them to also buy stamps.  Sometimes we forget the simple things.    And to make sure they put a card in the mail the next day before they deployed. It paid off big time for those who did what I suggested.  The wives could not believe that their husbands were so considerate.   And the amazing thing was that every card that was mailed later on, made wives believe that their man had gone out of his way to find a place to buy a card while he was so busy at work.   Now that thoughtfulness was putting deposits in her love bank. Another great idea is to leave love notes in a dresser draw where you know she will find them, much sooner than we would. And if she likes flowers, make sure to send her flowers, just because.  I would send them to my wife at work and she was the queen of the day when everyone would see the flowers and ask her what the occasion was, and she would admit there was no special occasion.  Now I have to admit, I probably made a few husbands uneasy, but I also was hoping I was teaching them. And here is another way to show her affection and that is planning a special night out.  Now the important part is, you call the babysitter.  I have to admit, that was something I really had a hard time doing.  And also make sure her schedule is open that evening and she has not already planned a meal. Ok, here are a few more ideas.  A sensitive husband should always open the door for her.  And do it for other females when you have the opportunity.  I have only had one woman tell me that she could get her own door.  I have also opened the doors for ladies as they were getting into the car next to me. Sadly, they would look at their husbands and say, “At least someone knows how to be a gentleman”.  And I would quickly get in my car and drive off before the husband came to thank me. Holding hands is another effective way of showing affection. Also, phone calls letting her know you are on the way home from work and asking if she needs you to stop at the store and pick up anything. From a woman’s point of view, affection is usually the greatest need she has and you meeting that need is the most important action you can give her. And men, you need to understand it usually has nothing to do with sex. Because you see affection as part of foreplay, you assume she feels the same way. And that is so far from the truth. I remember a lady telling me that she would not give her husband a hug when he came home because he would take it the wrong way. And it made me wonder how many men arrived home wondering why their wife didn’t care to hug them. Well, more to come on the most important need of a woman. By J Douglas